Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Find Your Voice
Have you found your voice?
If someone said that to you on the street, in a job interview, or posted it on your Facebook profile, what would you think? How would you interpret that?
Maybe you would hear "Who are you? What do you believe? What is your story? Is your perspective unique? What are you here on Earth to say?"
Well that's what I hear.
For the last few months I keep hearing and seeing the phrase "Find your voice". It is hidden in about 5 of my favourite songs, has appeared in multiple books I have read, it was the title of an email in my inbox.. even in a movie I watched! Okay God, I am receiving the message. Loud and clear. You can stop now.
I always wanted to be singer. I remember being three and dreaming of singing on Top of the Pops in a glittery costume, much like one of Katy Perry's wearable art pieces. There is something magical about having a platform to tell a story in a beautiful, entertaining and vulnerable way.
But the problem was, I couldn't sing.
That's kind of an important detail when the reason you believe your alive is to bear your heart in song. So after a while I gave up. Depressing right? I stopped writing songs and allowing myself to let loose to a Kelly Clarkson song in front of the mirror. It was too heart-wrenching doing something I loved when I knew my dreams were too ridiculous. Did God forget to give me a voice when He gave me the passion? Is it a test?
Because of my fixation on singing I never really pursued any other creative avenues. I was actually quite good at acting, and had great rhythm when it came to dance, but I had lost confidence in myself. I looked at those people who really knew what they wanted, what they excelled at, who they were. And it hurt.. that was meant to be me. I had no idea until recently that most successful artists weren't always as talented as they are now, that they actually worked really hard to cultivate and develop their gift. I was so focused on everyone else's brilliance and my own perceived shortcomings that I robbed myself of any form of much needed self-expression.
But I am ready to express myself.
Every time I write I feel like I'm becoming myself.
The feeling is almost too colourful for words. Writing makes me see something in myself I really love. Something I never knew was in me. Putting words to the indescribable is such an exhilarating, intimidating challenge that I am 100% committed to tackling head on.
I have written a blog post here and there over the past few years, and for some reason I get emails from random strangers telling me how my words spoke to them on a personal level and how I should keep writing. But I stop. Why? Self sabotage? Perfectionism? Fear of success? All of the above.
Maybe I want to find my voice before I share it. But I think it's supposed to be the other way round.. maybe you've got to step out blindly into the unknown abyss of creativity and stumble around a bit before you can find your footing.
Brené Brown puts it so perfectly "When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make."
To find my voice amongst the noise. That's my new goal.
Bring it on blank page.
at 6:39 PM